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by Carol James
A WOMAN OF INSPIRATION --
As a child I didn't learn how to deal effectively with conflict, so my usual
way of dealing with it was to run away. At 17 I ran away from home, and a few
years later I ran away from my marriage. When people took advantage of me, I
dropped them like hotcakes. When employers didn't acknowledge me for the great
job I thought I was doing, I quit. When boyfriends tried to control my life, I
dumped them. I moved from relationship to relationship and job to job looking
for fulfillment and happiness. Yet, at every turn, a conflict would arise that
I was unable to handle effectively, sending me crashing into sickness, stress
or depression.
In 1981, after ending yet another dysfunctional relationship while concurrently
getting laid-off from my job, I reached the breaking point. "Enough is enough!”
I thought. “I don't know how I'm attracting this garbage, but I want it to
STOP!" Feeling frustrated and incredibly unhappy, I began a journey to
understand the secret to sustained happiness and well-being.
After reading hundreds of psychology, parapsychology, self-help and positive
thinking books and attending dozens of workshops, I came across a statement
that shattered my belief system, "If you don't like your life, change it."
Until then, it had never occurred to me that I had control over the
circumstances of my life. Yet the insight turned my life upside down as I moved
through the stages of blaming others, blaming myself, feeling powerless and
making little progress to eliminate my unhappiness and stress.
As my search for answers progressed, my life bobbed around like a drunken
sailor. I started my own business in 1985 but made some stupid management and
hiring mistakes a few years later that eventually caused a bankruptcy.
Depression took hold as I convinced myself that I was the biggest loser on the
face of the Earth. My body was ravaged by stress and illness, my personal
effectiveness was at an all-time low and my spirit nearly broken.
Yet time heals all wounds and eventually I rebuilt my life financially and
professionally and regained my self-esteem. But I still had a big hole inside
of me filled with questions for which I had no answers. Above all, I wanted to
know how I kept creating the unwanted circumstances that caused me so much
stress.
After years of study and self-observation, I came to understand how my beliefs,
perspectives, decisions and behaviors lead me to the results I encounter. My
approach to life now includes mindfulness, self-inquiry, openness, compassion
and focusing on what I want (instead of focusing on what I don’t want), and the
results have been astounding. My business is more successful than it has ever
been, my relationships are more fulfilling, my health has vastly improved and
stress, anger, regret and worry are things of the past. At last I have achieved
the happiness and well-being that seemed so elusive long ago, all because I
decided to hold my own thinking accountable for the circumstances of my life.
Carol James is a consultant, speaker, teacher, coach and creator of the
Inspired Living web site, author of the powerful new book, Transformative
Thinking: a Course in Spiritual Empowerment and publisher of the Inspired
Lifestyle Newsletter.
Email Carol James at carol@inspiredliving.com
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